I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
