dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
