Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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