I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
