i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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