Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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