I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
