i jhust puked up my retainher.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
