just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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