put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
