From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
