the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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