His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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