It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
