have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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