WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
