I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
