Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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