There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
