the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
