I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
