This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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