The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So vagazzling was a success
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
