Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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