i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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