dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
