Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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