If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
