im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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