then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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