ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
