he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
