I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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