quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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