You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
