margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
