did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
