Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
