Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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