What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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