I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
