it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
