He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Did you just see the Batmobile???
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
