You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
