I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
