i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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