The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
