I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
