It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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