so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
