Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
