**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
