did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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